BOZO News

Surgery By Cell Phone Light

During a power blackout in Buenos Aires, surgeons were able to complete an emergency appendix operation using cell phone light! 29-year-old Leonardo Molina was on the operating table when the power went out. The generator failed to kick in so a family member gathered cell phones from people in the hallway and took them in to the O.R. Hey it worked and Leo is going to be okay.

A Pleasuring Problem

Nothing wrong with sneaking off for a little "self-love" now and then but this is ridiculous. In Brisbane, Australia, 28-year-old Kylie Wilson was convicted of stabbing her friend Daniel Blair because he literally would not stop masturbating in her home, where Kylie's 3-year-old daughter was present. According to Kylie, Daniel started his adventure in the bathroom and then moved to the bedroom, ignoring her pleas. Out of frustration, she finally grabbed a knife and stabbed him twice in the shoulder! But even after that, the wounded Daniel merely retreated to the garage, where he continued his marathon.

 

A Lot of Bull in the Jailhouse

In Serbia, 54-year-old farmer Hamdija Djuric has been allowed to take his prize bull to prison with him after an emotional appeal to jail bosses. Ham was sentenced to a year behind bars for assault after he hit another man during an argument in a local bar. But judges ruled he could take his one-and-a-half ton bull Micko with him after lawyers argued that if the farmer went to jail the bull would have to be slaughtered. They said there was no one to look after him and that the animal was too valuable to the farmer to be put down. So, Micko will be kept in a specially converted cell on the ground floor at the prison. If both behave themselves they should be free by Christmas.

 

World's First Nail-Biting Rehab!

There's a new kind of Rehab center opening up in the Netherlands -- the world's first treatment center exclusively for nail-biters! Director Alain-Raymond van Abbe of the Institute for Pathological Onychophagy says he and his team have invented an aid to make nail-biting impossible and claims initial trials have been almost 100% successful. Studies have shown that as many as 15 per cent of adults, 33 per cent of young children and 45 per cent of adolescents bite their nails. The treatment center fits a special device on the hands that allow normal activities but prevent nail biting, and at the same time gives patients extensive therapy and counseling to kick the habit.

 

The Shame of Hello Kitty

Officials in Bangkok have come up with a creative way to keep their police force in line. Thai police officers who break rules will now be forced to wear hot pink armbands featuring the "Hello Kitty" logo as a mark of shame. Police officers caught littering, parking in prohibited areas, or arriving late to work will be forced to stay in the division office and wear the armband all day. Police Col. Pongpat Chayaphan said, "Simple warnings no longer work. This new twist is expected to make them feel guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating the offense, no matter how minor."

 

Crooked Cake Contest

62-year-old Jenny Brown entered her sponge cake in a contest sponsored by an organization in Wimblington, England. She was then informed by judges that she had won "second place." Seemed pretty cool until she later was told that she was the only person to enter the contest-- but couldn't have first place because her sponge cake wasn't quite that good!

 

Beware: Burkas May Be Hazardous To Your Health!

This one presents a quandary for our devout Muslim friends around the world. Looks like burkas may be hazardous to your health. Arab researchers writing in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition recently reported, although not that surprisingly, that many Middle Eastern women who dress covering all or nearly all their skin may have significant vitamin D deficiency -- basically due to a lack of sunlight.

 

Karaoke Rage

Careful wannabe rock stars -- karaoke could be hazardous to your health! In Seattle, a woman attacked a man on the karaoke stage while belting out his best rendition of Coldplay's "Yellow." Right after telling him he "sucked", she began pushing and punching him to get him to stop singing. Bartender Robert Willmette said, "It took three or four of us to hold her down." He also said that when she was escorted outside, the 21-year-old woman "went crazy," throwing punches at him and others, including an off-duty police officer whom she headbutted twice! And no she wasn't believed to be drunk. According to bartender notes, she had only been served a single shot of Jagermeister.

 

Leg? What Leg? In Japan, a 54-year-old motor biker failed to notice that HIS LEG HAD BEEN SEVERED BELOW THE KNEE after hitting a safety barrier and continued to ride for more than a mile, leaving a friend behind to pick up the severed limb! He later reported he did feel excruciating pain, but didn't notice that his right leg was missing until he stopped at the next intersection. The man and his leg were taken to a hospital, but the limb had been so severely crushed in the collision doctors couldn't really do anything with it.

 

The Advantages of Seeing the Country by Train

In Durango, Colorado, passengers on the historic Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad train got a bit more scenery than they paid for: More than a dozen partiers from a nearby beach who decided to greet the train -- NAKED! The antics drew warnings from local police, but no charges. A photograph taken by James Slavin, a tourist from Phoenix, shows nude men and women holding beer and whooping it up as the train pulled into town. Train personnel have reported similar incidents previously to Durango police, but it's difficult to patrol. Built in the 1880s to service area mines, the steam-powered Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad takes thousands of tourists each year on a scenic 45-mile journey between Durango and Silverton, Colorado.

Show and WTF?

 

Bomb squads raced to St. Margaret's Church of England Primary School in Essex, England after a 5th grader brought an old artillery shell to show and tell. 250 students were evacuated while the artillery shell was taken to a nearby field. Parents had to come pick their kids up early although ultimately explosives experts decided the device posed no danger. A spokesman for St Margaret's Church of England School said: "We take the safety and wellbeing of all students extremely seriously.

 

Tasteless Yet Tasty!

Our British friends are offering something up that's both tasteless and yet tasty. A new line of chocolates called "Edible Anus," are true to its name and come in the shape of an anus. Each box comes three tush truffles -- in white chocolate, milk chocolate and dark chocolate. Boxes sell in Britain for around $6.24, and they will ship to the U.S. Will let you Google that one for yourself.

 

Kidnappers Foiled By Kid

In China, a nine-year-old boy escaped from kidnappers by driving away in the car they had just stolen from his mother! The boy and his mother had been stopped and held up as they were driving to their home in Haikou city. The mother was pulled out of the car and thrown to the curb and then they drove off with the kid still inside. Seems that was their big mistake. Two hours police got a report that a small boy driving a car had hit a truck. A witness said, "A small boy got out of the car with his hands shaking and said: 'Some people stole my mom's car, and I drove it away when they weren't paying attention.'" Gotta love that kid!

 

Same Time Next Year?

Teacher Dave Barclay flew all the way from Toronto, Canada to Wales to attend a friend's wedding. But when he called up his buddy to get the exact details on where and when, he found out he was one year early! Dave was told about the wedding earlier in the year and assumed it was to take place in 2007. He explained, "He just said July the 6th and I assumed it was this year because if you tell a guy July 6th, they're going to think it's this year!" And that plane ticket wasn't cheap-- $1,015 -- which is hard to come by on a teacher's salary.

 

Bad Way To Die

Some people just seemed destined to have an undignified death. In Manchester, England, a 54-year-old man was running to catch his bus when he accidentally ran smack into a lamppost and fell into the street. Unfortunately the bus he was trying to catch then ran over him... and KILLED HIM!

 

You're Too Sexy For My Bus

"You're too sexy for my bus. Too sexy for my bus. You're causing such a fuss!" In Germany, a bus driver threatened to throw a 20-year-old woman off his bus because he said her cleavage was distracting him. The woman, identified only as Debora C. said, "Suddenly he stopped the bus and opened the door and shouted at me: 'Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can't concentrate on the traffic. If you don't sit somewhere else, I'm going to have to throw you off the bus.'" Debora said she moved to another seat but felt humiliated by the incident. However, a spokesman for the bus company defended the driver saying, "The bus driver is allowed to do that and he did the right thing. A driver cannot be distracted because it's a danger to the safety of all the passengers."

 

Best Quote You'll Hear All Day!

It's very typical to see dozens of people dressed as superheroes parading up and down Hollywood Blvd. in Los Angeles, trying to get tips from tourists for posing for pictures with them. But tourists saw an all out superhero brawl when two people dressed as Captain America and another in a Spider-Man getup allegedly threw punches at each other in front of the Madame Tussauds kiosk. Witness Vernando Stroud said, "All of a sudden, two Captain Americas and Spider-Man started circling around me. Captain America just hit one of them and Spider-Man started bleeding. A Batman costumed bystander, whose real name is A.C. Simmons, said, "I think it was just hostility that had to be let out. There's a group of characters that are actually strong-arming tourists and actually asking for $20 tips, which is ridiculous." One of the Captain Americas involved in the fight, Juan Diego, said he jumped in the fray because he wanted to stop some costumed creeps who were picking tourists' pockets; a non-heroic act that he said is bad for business. Police investigated the allegations, but found nothing warranting an arrest.

What is This Sorcery?

 

How backwards is Saudi Arabia? Well a Saudi court just sentenced two Asian housemaids to 10 years in jail and 1,000 lashes for allegedly indulging in sorcery at their employers' houses in the Gulf Kingdom! Their Saudi employers reported the two maids to the Gulf country's feared religious police, saying they had discovered that their families had been harmed because of sorcery practiced by the maids against them. Members of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice who searched the two houses in Riyadh found magic paraphernalia in the bedrooms of the two maids. Saudi Arabia, which strictly enforces Islamic law, has beheaded many persons convicted of practicing magic over the past years.

 

Can't Tell: Is This Defense an Epic Fail or Masterful Win?

A court in Bristol watched video surveillance footage of Brian Whitehead entering Lloyd's bar and placing a mystery object under a woman's skirt as she stood at the bar. Jurors were told Whitehead was trying to take photographs under the woman's clothes but Mr. Whitehead had an entirely different explanation. He told officers it was all just a practical joke and what he was holding under the victim's skirt was just a lighter... so he could light her farts. But Bar manager Alexander McEvoy Williams says no way -- that it was a black object that was clearly some kind of electronic device. However, even though Whitehead admits to being drunk at the time, he insists did not have any kind of picture-taking electronic device. He said even his cell phone can't take pictures. The case continues.

 

Former Microsoft Exec Gets in the Pot Business

Jamen Shively, a former Microsoft corporate strategy manager, plans to create the first U.S. national marijuana brand with cannabis he hopes to eventually import legally from Mexico. Shively said he was kicking off his business by acquiring medical pot dispensaries in three U.S. states and envisions his Seattle-based enterprise becoming the leader in both recreational and medical cannabis - much like Starbucks is the dominant name in coffee. Shively, 45, whose six years at Microsoft ended in 2009, said he was soliciting investors for $10 million in start-up money. While the use, sale and possession of marijuana remains illegal in the United States under federal law, two U.S. states have legalized recreational marijuana use and are among 18 states that allow it for medical use. "It's a giant market in search of a brand," Shively said of the marijuana industry. "We would be happy if we get 40 percent of it worldwide." A 2005 United Nations report estimated the global marijuana trade to be valued at $142 billion. Shively said he ultimately plans to create separate medical and recreational-use marijuana brands and wants to launch a study of the effectiveness of concentrated cannabis oil in the treatment of cancer and other illnesses.

 

When Schools Overreact, The NRA's Got Your Back!

After 8-year-old Josh Welch was suspended from Park Elementary School in Anne Arundel County, Maryland for nibbling a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun during class snack time, he was given a lifetime membership to the NRA. Nicholaus Kipke, leader of the Republican minority in the lower house of the Maryland legislature, paid $550 for the Junior Life Membership in the NRA and then presented the gift to the second grader. Kipke said, "I was embarrassed that my county would do that to him." Meanwhile, the boy's lawyer, Robin Ficker, said he is appealing the two-day school suspension. In the appeal, Ficker included pictures of the U.S. states of Idaho and Florida because "they look more like guns than Josh's Pop-Tart." Ironically, the boy's family does not own guns and says Josh has never handled a gun.

 

Bad News Ladies -- If Your Man Owns an Audi! Audi probably isn't too happy to hear this but according to a new poll, Audi car owners are more likely to cheat on their partners than any other motorists! BMW drivers had previously held the title but were beaten out by Audi this year in the survey done by the website IllicitEncounters.com. The survey also suggested that owners of premium car brands are the most adulterous of all the motorists. The top five most likely to stray, according to the survey, were owners of: 1) Audis, 2) BMWs, 3) Mercedes, 4) Volvo, 5) VW. Spokesman Mike Taylor said, "Cars can reveal a lot about their owners. All the cars in the top five represent our members, they are typically successful, motivated, high-achievers who are less likely to settle for something they find unsatisfying, be it a car or a relationship." And for what it's worth, Car brands with the fewest number of adulterers were Peugeot and Renault. (Ananova)

Things To Leave Off Your Bucket List! There are actually a few things you should probably leave off your bucket list -- you know like STEALING! In Ocala, Florida, two longtime friends ended up in jail thanks to a "bucket list" that included stealing from a store. Police say 36-year-old Andrea Mobley and 38-year-old Jennifer Morrow now face petty theft charges after stealing bathing suits and beef jerky during a trip to Wal-Mart. The naughty ladies told police they hadn't seen each other in years and stealing from a retail store was on the "bucket list." Miss Mobley later admitted they were just "two stupid women" doing something they'd never done before. She added she's ashamed.

Should Have Saved That Old Computer!

One of Apple's first computers-- a fully functioning 1976 model-- has been sold at auction for a record $668,000! German auction house Breker sold the so-called Apple 1 to a client from Asia who asked to remain anonymous. Apple founders Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak built the model in a family garage. Breker claims it is one of only six known remaining functioning models in the world and that the computer bears Wozniak's signature. An old business transaction letter from the late Jobs also was included. When you consider the Apple 1 was sold for $666 in 1976, that makes for about a 1,008% return on your money -- actually far better than even Apple stock!

Don't Mess With My Pop-Tarts!

 

In Charlotte, North Carolina, 37-year-old Latasha Renee Love has apparently got a thing for Pop-Tarts. So much so that she called police to have her own juvenile son arrested after he allegedly stole her box of the breakfast treats. She says she took the drastic step after having disciplinary problems with the boy in the past. The boy was indeed arrested and charged with misdemeanor larceny. Officers valued the missing Pop-Tarts at $5.

 

Embarrassing Your Kids- Level: Expert!

Seems like almost all parents occasionally get a secret thrill from embarrassing their kids -- but 34-year-old Lisa Grant or Suffolk, Virginia has taken the practice to an entirely new level. She'll be spending the next few weekends in jail because she allegedly mooned a school bus full of 45 children after a heated exchange with the bus driver, who sent a note home saying that Grant's son was misbehaving. A school spokesperson said the note was a warning. Even though she continues to deny that she ever mooned or flashed the bus, she was convicted of disorderly conduct and sentenced to six months in jail, with five months of her sentence suspended. She'll be serving her time on the weekends only.

 

Proof There Still Are Some Passionate About American Idol!

We've all heard about the plunging ratings of American Idol, but apparently some of us are still quite passionate about the show. When Pennsylvania couple Karen Elaine Harrelson, 48, and Gregory L. Stambaugh, 57 couldn't agree over which of the two finalists in this year's contest should win, they allegedly stabbed each other. Of course they can't seem to agree on who stabbed whom first. Both alleged that the other went into the kitchen during the argument, grabbed a knife, and began the stabbing. When police responded, the pair were found on the front porch, bloody and still arguing. Both are now being held in York County Prison on assault charges.

 

Smart Pajamas -- Seriously.

A new kind of pajamas may soon make bedtime easier for kids-- by reading stories aloud to them. The "Smart Pyjamas," sold in the UK, are printed with 47 clusters of dots that act like barcodes when scanned by a smartphone or tablet. Each different cluster links to a different story - from Mother Goose to The Little Mermaid. A free app can be downloaded, and once the interactive PJs are scanned the story begins. The tales appear written in text and are narrated out loud, but children can also read along on their own too. Not surprisingly, the innovation has prompted outrage from some. One online commenter said: "What's next, an app that potty trains? Read to your children yourself, and create memories that will last a lifetime."

 

Your Tax Dollars At Work!

The Washington Post recently reported that the federal government is due to spend $890,000 this year to safeguard ... nothing. That's the amount they'll be charged in total fees for maintaining more than 13,000 short-term bank accounts the government owns but which have no money in them -- and never again will. According to the watchdog Citizens Against Government Waste, closing the accounts is apparently easier said than done because the accounts each housed separate government grants, and Congress has required that before the accounts are closed the grants must be formally audited -- something bureaucrats are rarely motivated to do, at least within the 180 days set by law. Ironically there is no penalty for missing the deadline.

 

Got Eggs? This is surprising. The Department of Agriculture reported recently that in four of America's largest cities -- New York, Miami, Los Angeles and Denver -- nearly one home out of 100 citizens keeps chickens either for a fresh egg supply or as pets, giving rise to chicken services such as Backyard Poultry magazine, MyPetChicken.com and Julie Baker's Pampered Poultry store. Among the most popular products are strap-on cloth diapers for the occasions when owners bring their darlings indoors, i.e., cuddle their "lap chickens." Also popular are "saddles" for roosters, to prevent mating injuries-- owing mostly to roosters' brutal horniness, sometimes costing hens most or all of their back feathers from a single encounter.

 

Life-sized Barbie House Brings Protests From Feminists!

At the grand opening of a life-sized Barbie house in Berlin, the protestors outnumbered the fans! Demonstrators actually burned a doll on a cross at the opening of the Mattel toy's fictional Malibu Dreamhouse in the German capital before being ejected by security guards. The Berlin attraction is the second such theme house after a similar one opened recently in Florida. Visitors can fully immerse themselves in all things Barbie including checking out Barbie's walk-in wardrobes and even "try on" her outfits using a digital mirror. Detractors, including Michael Koschitzki, editor at Socialist Alternative, said the attraction presented the idea that there were only two career options for women: model or pop star. The Barbie Dreamhouse will remain in the German capital until August before going on tour around Europe.

Kill A Zoo Monkey -- That's Seven Years!

 

Killing a zoo monkey in Idaho is serious business. After 22-year-old Michael Watkins pleaded guilty to attempted grand theft, a felony, and misdemeanor animal cruelty stemming from the break-in and beating death of the monkey at Zoo Boise in November, he's been sentenced to spend the next seven years in prison! The primate was one of the zoo's two Patas monkeys, ground-dwelling animals from Africa that stand more than 2 feet tall and weigh about 35 pounds. They are rare in zoos but not endangered in the wild. The case shook officials at the zoo and triggered an outpouring of sympathy and donations from animal lovers worldwide. Watkins scaled the security fence at Zoo Boise in the pre-dawn hours of November 17 and attempted to steal the monkey, which bit him. Watkins then kicked and hit the animal, which ultimately killed it. In the meantime, Zoo gained two female Patas monkeys donated by the Rosamund Gifford Zoo in Syracuse, New York.

 

Going On a Gator Hunt!

When Houston-area high school senior 18-year-old Braxton Bielski went on his first ever gator hunt, he had no idea he'd be setting a new state record. The boy bagged an amazing 14-foot, 800 pound alligator - the heaviest ever certified in Texas! He shot the giant reptile after hooking it on a line using raw chicken as bait. Bielski's father, Troy Bielski, won a Parks and Wildlife drawing for a five-day permit to hunt in the Daughtry Wildlife Management Area. The Houston police officer says his son had been dreaming of hunting alligators for years. Parks and Wildlife says the alligator was between 30 and 50 years old.

 

Pssst! Hey, Wanna Baby?

Police in Phoenix have charged 36-year-old Rozenna Luna with child abuse after she allegedly tried to give her 6-month-old baby away to strangers outside a convenience store! Witnesses told officers that Luna was asking strangers if they wanted a free child. Police say Luna had been drinking and smoking meth and had made no attempt to contact any safe haven locations, government agencies or family members for help. Iroinically, Luna ended up calling police herself. They say she knew she would be taken to jail on outstanding misdemeanor warrants and would not have to take care of her daughter. The baby is in state custody.

 

Portable Potty Prank!

Police in Poland are investigating after a college student was hurt when a portable toilet was turned upside down ... while he was using it! Kondrat Jaworski, 23, had sat down in the toilet after several beers during an end of exams celebration in Krakow when the pranksters struck. Police are now studying mobile phone images of the incident that left the engineering student with a cut head and covered in you know what! Jaworski said, "It may have been a laugh for those involved but it was no joke, I landed on my head and then got covered in a foul smelling chemical liquid. Even the toilet seat fell on my head. I then had to try and pull my trousers up in the dark and find the door lock." Police say the young men involved will be prosecuted for vandalism and assault.

 

What?! You Don't Love the Smell of Frying Bacon?

A San Francisco bacon restaurant -- called Bacon Bacon-is having to close its doors after neighbors' complaints about the smell of bacon! The restaurant's owner, Jim Angelus, "failed" to negotiate with neighbors who took offense to the pork restaurant's smell. The smell led to the revelation that the restaurant failed to get "proper health permits" last summer. Neighbors claimed that the thick bacon aroma was overpowering and that grease was illegally disposed of in the sewers. Neighbors also say that they offered to buy the restaurant owner a new air filter -- but he declined. Angelus says he'll revive the restaurant's food truck -- when he can find an approved kitchen location in which to prepare meals.

 

Hey, It Worked the First Time!

In San Luis Obispo, Calif., 48-year-old Carl Bellenir was after a trip to Santa Barbara Bank & Trust where he had successfully cashed in several rolls of pennies that had been stuffed into rolls labeled for dimes. Not thinking that the rolls would be examined later in the day, Bellenir stupidly returned the very next morning to the same bank to try it again! This time police were called, and Bellenir fled, but he was captured down the street at a Bank of America trying the same trick!

 

Pot Fields Busted By Smokejumpers!

Do you know what smokejumpers are? They're the brave firefighters who parachute into remote areas to combat wildfires. Well a team of six smokejumpers parachuted into a fire in the mountains of Southern Oregon and ended up landing right in the middle of an illegal marijuana farm being prepared for growing season! Jackson County sheriff's spokeswoman Andrea Carlson says the smokejumpers notified authorities, who hiked into the remote site in the Rogue River-Siskiyou (SIS'-kee-yoo) National Forest. They seized two guns and more than 1,000 little pot plants. Carlson says the site near the community of Applegate was being cultivated by growers for Mexican drug gangs and has been used before. Meanwhile, the smokejumpers extinguished the wildfire after it burned less than an acre.

 

Sure We Got Free Speech, Except on Gravestones!

Sonny Santiago was a 23-year-old rapper from Massachusetts who died in a car crash in February. And while his raps may have been riddled with profanity, there will not be any profanity on his headstone. That's the final word from commissioners at Pine Grove Cemetery in Lynn, Massachusetts, who unanimously rejected his family's request to inscribe his gravestone with a song verse that included profanity. "We've never had a problem like this before," said commission Chairman Arthur Dulong. But rather than the big free speech lawsuit you would expect, the family has simply agreed to have the gravestone inscribed with a different, profanity-free verse from a song Santiago wrote. However, the commission's dispute with Santiago's family is not over. The family added a 3-foot by 8-foot decoration made from mulch and rocks on his gravesite shaped like the number "1." Uno was his performance name. The family has been asked to remove the decoration because it does not conform to cemetery rules. Santiago's mother, Ana DeJesus, said the family will comply with the request - but she's not happy about it.

 

Stop Smoking... The Really Hard Way!

Anyone who's ever tried to quit smoking knows it's not easy-- but there's got to be an easier way than this. In Sacramento, California, 31-year-old Etta Lopez slapped a policeman in the face-- because she wanted to be locked up to help her give up her smoking habit! Deputy Matt Campoy was leaving his shift at the Sacramento County Jail when Lopez purposefully blocked his way. Campoy said, "It was totally unprovoked. All of a sudden she stepped into me and slapped me in the face." Lopez was charged with assaulting a police officer after admitting she sat in front of the county jail for hours intent on assaulting an officer to get arrested and be put in jail, where she would be forced to stop smoking.

 

Aliens Abducted By Humans!

We've got a reverse alien abduction story for you. It seems two aliens have been abducted by humans! In Roanoke, Virginia, Robert and Dian Bolling have appealed for the safe return of the two aliens that they had placed in their front garden. The couple has combed their neighborhood and put up posters in an attempt to be reunited with their unusual garden gnomes. Police are investigating the crime after the 3-foot tall bright green molded plastic creatures disappeared. Mrs. Bolling said, "We just want them back - no questions asked. Together we will bring our aliens home." The Bollings bought the alien couple over a decade ago at a Halloween clearance sale and they have been the pride of their garden ever since.

 

Oh, So You Like The Vaccines?

British indie rockers The Vaccines were apparently intent on finding out who their real fans were. At a show in north Wales, fans were refused entry if they were unable to name the band's lead singer. In actuality, it was the idea of police officers and club bouncers who asked fans questions about the band after a tip-off that pickpockets were planning to target the show. Fans were asked to name the lead singer and titles of their albums, before being allowed into the venue to try and separate the real fans from potential trouble makers. Six people were unable to answer some of the questions had their $25 tickets confiscated and refused admission! One of those refused entry turned out to be Andy Bellis, the lead singer of local band The Uninvited, who was none too happy and accused the police and venue bosses of being bullies. By the way, The Vaccines lead singer is Justin Young.

 

British Police Acting Like Supreme Jerks!

Guess police in Kent, England don't have much to do -- or they're the biggest jerks on the planet. Officers in Ramsgate, Kent apparently felt the need to issue a warning to a 10-year-old girl that drawing a hopscotch grid on the pavement with chalk amounted to criminal damage! Little Lilly Allen was given the warning by two officers as she played the skipping game outside her home. Her father, Robert Allen, has since lodged a formal complaint to Kent Police over the incident. A Kent Police spokesman said in a statement: "We are trying to trace the officers, who are reported to have made this comment. From the circumstances described, it would not appear to have been necessary to advise the young girl that chalking a hopscotch grid may be criminal damage and illegal."

 

That'll Teach You To Run From the Law!

In Pinellas Park, Florida, 20-year-old Bryan Zuniga learned the hard way that it's not a good idea to run from the law! The Pinellas County Sheriff's Office says Zuniga was pulled over for failing to maintain a single lane at about 2:50 a.m. But right after Zuniga stopped the vehicle, he allegedly jumped out of the passenger door, then broke through a vinyl fence and fled. Police found him a few hours later -- at a local hospital. That's because the fence he broke through was for a water treatment plant -- where alligators are known to hang out. He told deputies he had been attacked by a gator and was being treated for multiple puncture wounds to the face, arm and armpit area. Zuniga was charged with fleeing police, driving with a suspended or revoked license and resisting an officer without violence.

 

World's Highest Chair Swing Opens

Want to ride the world's highest chair swing? You'll have to go to Sweden. The world's highest chair carousel has opened offering amazing panoramic views of Stockholm and Djurg�rden-- for those brave enough to open their eyes. The 400-foot Eclipse features 12 swings with double seats that hang from 8-foot long chains and revolves at a top speed of more than 40mph. Peter Osbeck, head of attractions at the Stockholm theme park where it is based, said: "We wanted to do something grand for our 130th anniversary and we did. Luckily, we have double seats, which means that you aren't alone up there."

The Matrix: Mom's Version

 

Joe Nicolosi of Austin, Texas has produced the latest viral video -- a short film of his 65-year-old mother trying to explain the plot of sci-fi classic The Matrix. Over 2.2 million people have watched the hilarious three-minute YouTube clip called: "The Matrix Retold by Mum." Joe explained, "My mom hadn't seen or heard of the Matrix so we watched the entire movie together and right after she told me what it was all about." Despite referring to Keanu Reeves' character as Leo and turning Morpheus into Moshimoshe, she did identify Neo as "the one who can beat out the Matrix."

 

Gerbil Pageant Held This Weekend

While you were busy wasting your weekend, America's biggest gerbil lovers were gathered in New England for the American Gerbil Society's annual pageant. The competition, held in Bedford, Massachusetts, called for agility demonstrations in which the gerbils must overcome obstacles and race to the end of a course. Breeders of the small animals vie for coveted ribbons based on body type and agility. "A male gerbil should be a good, strong, hefty-looking gerbil," said Libby Hanna, president of the American Gerbil Society. "If you are going to think of it in human terms, you might think of a football player - somebody who's big, thick neck, nice, strong-looking male gerbil." An ideal female gerbil will have a more streamlined appearance that even humans covet, she said. The Friday-Saturday show drew gerbil enthusiasts and breeders from around the country and culminated in the presentation of champion and breeder certificates.

 

School Closing -- For NICE Weather!

Bellingham Christian School in a sun-deprived part of Washington State closed the school down -- due to beautiful weather! Last Friday all 205 students of the private, nondenominational Christian school in Bellingham got the day off as the forecast called for a rare day of sunshine! Principal Bob Sampson said he wanted to give students some time to re-energize and enjoy the weather, adding that he wanted to re-create the excitement snow days get among the kids. Sampson surveyed parents to make sure the day off wouldn't cause any hardships and floated the idea with the school board before canceling school.

 

Twins Retire Together at Age 70... As Prostitutes!

Twin sisters Louise and Martine Fokkens, both age 70, announced their joint retirement after more than 50 years each on the job -- as Amsterdam prostitutes! No kidding! Last February the minimum age for legal prostitutes in the Netherlands was raised to 21, but there is no maximum. The twins estimated they had 355,000 client-visits between them, and Martine noted that she still has one devoted regular who she'll have to disappoint. Louise, though, appeared happier to hang up her mattress for good because of arthritis. The sisters complained about the legalization of brothels in 2000 and ensuing taxation-- which required the women to take on more clients to make the same money they had been used to.

 

There Goes Old Fire Face!

Let's hope this doesn't catch on here. The newest beauty-treatment rage in China, according to Chinese media quoted on the Inquisitr.com website, is the "fire facial," in which alcohol and a "secret elixir" are dabbed on the face and then SET ABLAZE for a few seconds-- then extinguished. According to "ancient Chinese medicine," this will burn off "dull" skin as well as alleviate the common cold and reduce obesity. If done properly, the client feels so pain. Operative words: If done properly!

 

Fear of Incest-- Yeah, There's An App For That! The small country of Iceland has kind of a unique problem. Most of the 320,000 inhabitants are at least distantly related to each other and there's even a "Book of Icelanders" database which the government keeps updated, showing family connections dating back 1,200 years. With only 320,000 people in the entire country, "accidental" incest is unfortunately a genuine problem so three software engineers recently created a mobile phone app that allows strangers to "bump" phones with each other and find out instantly if they are closely related. In its first few days of release, the developers said it had already been used almost 4,000 times.

 

Grandma Swallowed What? The basic premise of the Tampa Women's Club charity event was pretty straight forward. For $20, you could buy a flute of champagne and a chance to win a one-carat, $5,000 diamond. There were 400 champagne glasses in all and organizers placed cubic zirconias worth about $10 bucks in all but one of them. The last glass contained the prized diamond, donated by Continental Wholesale Diamonds. So what could possibly go wrong? You guessed it -- the diamond was swallowed by 80-year-old Miriam Tucker! Apparently she didn't want to put her finger in the champagne, so she drank a bit. But then, while laughing with some of the women at her table, she realized she swallowed it. Embarrassed, she finally had to tell jewelers who were frantically searching for the winner. Since she was already scheduled for a colonoscopy on Monday, she just had a doctor recover the jewel.

Anyone Lose a Head?

 

Hey anybody lose a head over the weekend? That's what officials at Marist College in Poughkeepsie, New York would like to know. At least it's not a real head. It's a rather large one though -- 7-feet tall to be exact-- and made of Styrofoam and fiberglass. The men's rowing crew team found it floating in the Hudson River while practicing. They hooked a rope to it and towed it to shore. The head has the appearance of a Greek or Roman-style statue. College officials believe it might be a theater prop, but so far no one has come forward to claim the giant head.

 

The Suspect Is Well-Groomed... Obviously!

Police in Golden, Colorado are looking for a very well-groomed man suspected of stealing more than $2,600 worth of teeth-whitening strips, weight-loss pills, condoms, Rogaine and other hair-growth products from several Walgreens stores. Investigators say the handsome man, wearing a sweater, tie, slacks and a neatly groomed mustache and beard, apparently used a coat that he was carrying to conceal the stolen goods. They say he would purchase a DVD before leaving the stores, apparently as a cover for keeping the door alarm from activating.

 

What Are the Odds of an ABBA Reunion?

What do you think the odds are of an actual ABBA reunion? Well a British bookie is taking bets after singer Agnetha Faltskog hinted that it could be possible. Faltskog, who has come out of retirement to release a solo album called "A", was asked by reporters if she would be open to an ABBA reunion and she responded positively. "Maybe a charity concert? I would not say 'No' right away," she said. Her former husband Bjorn Ulvaeus and his fellow ABBA songwriter Benny Andersson vowed in 2008 not to reform the group that broke up in 1982 after nine British No.1 hits. The fourth member was Anni-Frid Lyngstad who of course was married to Andersson in the only band more incestual and dysfunctional than Fleetwood Mac! Of course betting on pretty much everything is legal in Britain and bookmakers Paddy Power seized on the speculation to offer odds of 14/1 for ABBA to perform together in 2013.

 

Too Good Looking For Saudi Arabia?

As crazy as it sounds, Omar Borkan Al Gala, an actor and photographer from Dubai, was actually kicked out of Saudi Arabia for being too handsome! No kidding. Al Gala was given his marching orders along with a number of other men at a cultural festival earlier this month. A video of him in a variety of model-style poses is currently going viral on YouTube with more than 150,000 hits so far. Officials reportedly feared the United Arab Emirates delegates might corrupt impressionable women at the annual Janadriyah Festival. "A festival official said the three Emiratis were taken out on the grounds they are too handsome and that the Commission members feared female visitors could fall for them.

 

You Can't Fire Me Just Because My Bladder Is Shy!

In Des Moines, Iowa, Jennifer Conner said she lost her job over her shy bladder! Conner was offered a job at Iowa Methodist Medical Center in June, 2012-- contingent on successfully completing a drug test. But that doesn't come easy for her as he has been diagnosed with paruresis, more commonly called "shy bladder syndrome." That basically means it's hard for you to go in a public restroom. Nurses at the facility where Conner tried to take her test did not provide her with any alternative accommodations, even though she offered to take a blood test or use a catheter to extract urine at her own expense. But those offers were refused. So Conner's suing. The International Paruresis Association reports that roughly 21 million people worldwide have the condition, also referred to as "pee-shy" or "bashful bladder."

 

We Only Want Him. The Rest of You Boogie On Down!

There may be no more embarrassing place to be arrested than while you're boogying down on the dance floor! But it happened in Albuquerque, New Mexico where federal officials say suspected drug trafficker Omar Cota was taken into custody this weekend off a dance floor at Route 66 Casino's Club Envy. Cota is believed to be affiliated with the deadly Sinaloa Cartel. The U.S. Marshals Service says Cota had an outstanding federal arrest warrant for drug trafficking and had eluded federal agents since February 2012. Agents found a large amount of cash and suspected drugs with Cota, who is believed to be a member of the Brew Town gang.

 

Bar Raised For Manliness! Three Guys Catch Shark With Bare Hands!

The bar for manliness just got seriously raised! Using nothing but their bare hands, Cody Harlan, Jonathan Cook and Robert Trutt hauled in a 277-pound BULL SHARK from the ocean! Cook later said, "It was stupid, but a good memory." The three friends had gone to Fort Walton Beach to fish for pompano. But when they got there, they saw would appeared to be a piece of driftwood in the water. When they realized it was a shark and was lying belly up, they assumed it was dead. Harlan waded out about chest-deep and grabbed the shark's tail. It never really made a move, and Harlan started pulling it back to shore. When he got the shark back about knee-deep in the water, Trutt and Cook helped drag it up on the beach. But once they got the shark on dry land it started moving. Trutt said, "It started opening its mouth like it was gulping for air and moving its tail." Not knowing if it was legal to take the shark, they called the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. After being told anything over 54 inches was fair game, Cook said, "I got my Nike bat out of the truck and knocked her out." They eventually found a 40 pound fish stuck in the shark's throat and figured it choked. Once the shark was dead, it took them about 90 minutes to pull it from the beach to their truck. They then took it to HarborWalk Marina to weigh it, and quite a crowd gathered as it hung from the scale. Harlan later said, "I feel like an idiot now. He wasn't dead. The only thing that saved us was it had a fish in its mouth."

 

Sometimes It's Best NOT To Hit the Target!

In Ocala, Florida, 79-year-old Norma Joan Brennan was on her way to get driver's license restored. Sadly it doesn't look like that will be happening because a funny thing happened on the way to the DMV -- she CRASHED THROUGHT THE FRONT DOORS OF A TARGET STORE! Ms. Brennan's passenger and the owner of the vehicle, Rev. Kevin Holsapple, told police that he was giving her some driving tips in the parking lot when she pressed down on the gas pedal instead of the brake. While she's had a driver's license for about 50 years, it had been suspended due to a medical condition. No one was injured in the incident, but Brennan got a citation for driving with a suspend license, and the pastor was cited for allowing an unlicensed driver to drive his vehicle.

Solving India's Rape Problem

 

The unfortunate culture of sexual abuse in India has been well publicized over the last year due to multiple headline-grabbing stories of rape incidents. To counter the problem, three engineers in Chennai will soon be marketing a new line of women's anti-rape undergarment -- which will provide both a stun-gun-sized blast of electricity against any unwanted aggressor and also a messaging system which would immediately send a GPS location to family members and police about an attack in progress. According to one of the inventors, after the wearer engages a switch, anyone touching the fitted garment will, "get the shock of his life." She will be protected as the garment's skin side would be heavily insulated. The only holdup at this point is finding a fabric that can hold the electronics and is still washable.

 

10,000 iPhones Fall Like Dominoes!

One of the latest viral YouTube videos shows what appears to be 10,000 iPhone 5s standing on end and falling over like dominoes. Over 3.5 million views so far-- but we should tell you -- it's not real. The images are computer generated and created by an ad agency. At one stage, the run of falling iPhones, which together would be worth well over $4 million in real life, enters an elevator and comes out at a different floor. Aatma Studio produced the one minute concept promo for Near Field Communications to demonstrate how information can be passed across screens.

 

Two-Year-Old Falls 30 Feet! Not Even a Scratch!

In Munich, Germany, 2-year-old Maria Kohler is one lucky little girl. She had a miraculous fall from a fourth floor balcony when she bounced off a canvas awning and landed softly and safely on grass completely unharmed! Maria was standing on the balcony watching passing trains when she slipped and fell. A doctor at the local hospital where she was taken after the accident said, "She must have a very special guardian angel because she didn't even have a bruise or a scratch." Her mother, 32-year-old Melanie Kohler said, "I once accidentally dropped an apple off the balcony and it smashed to pieces. Yet my daughter survived unhurt. It really is a miracle." For her part, little Maria told her mom, "I'm sorry mummy - I won't do it again."

 

Needed: Manager -- For Stonehenge!

Are you one of those many people who struggle through life, never quite able to find the right job in your chosen field of ancient mysticism? Well, today is your lucky day my friend. English Heritage is advertising for a new general manager to look after Stonehenge! Yes -- the Stonehenge! The company is looking for "a dynamic and inspirational leader" to look after the prehistoric site in Wiltshire. You'll be responsible for managing the monument's 180 staff members and volunteers and you'll also need to do some regular liaising with druid leaders. Other responsibilities include overseeing arrangements for summer and winter solstices and making sure those "solstice celebrations aren't in some way compromising the mystery and integrity of the stones". And it pays well-- $100,000 a year, plus benefits!

 

More Creative Lawsuits!

Not quite sure what this might do to his street cred, but aspiring New York rapper Bernard Bey has filed a $200,000 lawsuit against his own parents. Mr. Bey, who is currently homeless, claims that his mom and dad owe him big because they have been unloving and "indifferent" to his homelessness and refuse even to let him back in their home to get a shower. Bey, who raps under the moniker "Brooklyn Streets," said that he'd be willing to let bygones be bygones and all would be forgiven if they would just buy him two Domino's Pizza franchises so that he could eventually earn enough to become "a force to be reckoned with in the hip-hop industry." For her part, his mother offered her own solution which was that Bey should "go get a job" -- something she says he's never had a day in his life!

 

Be Funny, But Be Brief!

Can you be funny in 140 characters or less? Comedy Central is partnering with Twitter for a comedy festival where all jokes will have to either have to follow Twitters 140 characters rule of be in the form of a 6-second video! The festival with the hashtag "ComedyFest" will debut April 29. Over five days, comedians will tweet jokes and post videos with the recently launched video app Vine, which limits footage to 6 seconds. Kicking off the social media festival will be an event at the Paley Center in Los Angeles featuring Rob Reiner, Judd Apatow and Mel Brooks. So far, Brooks is a Twitter holdout.

 

Light Drinking OK During Pregnancy!

According to a new report in the International Journal of Obstetrics , light drinking during pregnancy does not harm child behavioral or mental development! They studied the development of 10,534 UK seven-year-olds, whose mothers had either abstained from alcohol or drank lightly while pregnant. There was virtually no difference noted in the two groups. Prof Yvonne Kelly, co-author of the study, said: "We know heavy drinking during pregnancy has a very deleterious effect, but it is very unlikely that drinking small amounts will have an impact." She added, "It doesn't seem biologically plausible that small amounts of alcohol would affect development either way. The environment children grow up in is massively more important." And for the record, light drinking was defined as consuming no more than two drinks per week. However, both the U.K. and the U.S. respective Departments of Health both agree that complete abstinence from alcohol during pregnancy is still the safest option.

 

Shark Vs. Kayak

Isaac Brumaghim was fishing in his small kayak off the coast of Oahu, Hawaii and had a pretty nice tuna on the line. All of the sudden a 10-foot tiger shark leapt from the water and caught hold of the tuna, nearly pulling Issac overboard. He eventually managed to wrestle back control of his rod from the shark and has now uploaded a YouTube clip of the clash, called "Chompy The Shark," which has so far been watched nearly 1.4million times. Issac said, "Yeah, I did get the shivers a bit on it just thinking about the whole thing and the possibility of me actually putting my hands in after my fish. It made me think how foolish that would have been."

New Perfume... For Zombies!

 

Let's face it -- it's just hard to smell good if you're a zombie. Well, a US perfume company may have solved the problem by launching two new fragrances which it says will help the undead smell more bearable to the living. The New York-based Demeter Fragrance Library claims Zombie for Him and Zombie for Her will enable the "dead to simply pass by without offending". Zombie for Him is said to be a combination of dried leaves, mushrooms, mildew, moss and earth, while Zombie for Her is a slightly lighter version with a touch of dregs from the bottom of the wine barrel for a feminine touch. The company describes the perfumes as "eminently wearable" although we suggest caution -- especially at the office or on a first date!

 

Parking Fine: Extreme Edition!

A woman in Chicago is trying to get out of paying a parking fine that has snowballed to more than $100,000. Jennifer Fitzgerald filed a lawsuit last year against the city over the $105,000 worth of tickets that police gave her over a three year period. That's because her car was left for that long at an O'Hare International Airport employee parking lot. But Miss Fitzgerald says she should not be held responsible because her ex-boyfriend is the one who abandoned the car. He is also named in the suit. However a judge dismissed the lawsuit last week and pressed the parties to try to reach a settlement. Fitzgerald says she has no intention of paying over a hundred grand on a car that's hardly worth $600 to begin with.

 

Bras: What's the Point?

A little-known French sports doctor who spent 16 years studying the busts of about 300 women says as far as he's concerned -- bras are useless! 62-year-old Jean-Denis Rouillon told a college radio station that his work suggested wearing a bra weakened the natural muscles that hold up breasts and women should consider going bra-less. One 28-year-old volunteer in the study said abandoning her bra had liberated her in more ways than one, improving her breathing and posture. She explained, "You breathe better, you stand up straighter, you have less back pain." Rouillon also said that bras unnaturally hamper circulation. However, he did also say, "But a middle-aged women, overweight, with 2.4 children? I'm not at all sure she'd benefit from abandoning bras."

 

Is the Dirt Good Tonight?

While some third-world country citizens will literally eat dirt for lack of anything else, diners at Tokyo's upscale Ne Quittez Pas restaurant eat it because it is a trendy dish prepared by prominent chef Toshio Tanabe. Among his courses are soil soup served with a flake of dirty truffle, soil sorbet and the "soil surprise"-- a dirt-covered potato ball. Spoiler alert: It has a truffle center! Tanabe lightly precooks his dirt and runs it through a sieve to eliminate the crunchiness. Bon Appetite!

 

Go Ahead -- Fart All You Want

A French doctor is urging his countrymen to take a more relaxed view of bodily functions for the sake of their health. In his book, Le Grand Menage, Dr. Federic Saldmann says people should give free rein to farting, burping and sweating to reduce the risk of cancer. He explains that getting rid of the two liters of gas produced each day is a "natural process" and retaining it can be harmful to the intestines. Keeping air in the stomach leads to more heartburn, which increases the risk of cancer of the esophagus. The rise of this disease in France, he says, is due to "the burp that we no longer do". Dr. Saldmann also recommends throwing out anti-perspirants saying, "To block sweat not only stops the elimination of toxins, but also a certain number of messages that are potentially very attractive to the opposite sex."

 

Wake Me in 19 Years

65-year-old Polish railway worker Jan Grzebski fell into a coma after being hit by a train back in 1988. 19 years later, he has finally woken up. It was rather startling to find the Communist party no longer in power and food no longer rationed. Jan said, "Now there are so many goods in the shops it makes my head spin. When I went into a coma there was only tea and vinegar in the shops, meat was rationed and huge lines for gas were everywhere. And here's some perspective for you. Jan added, "What amazes me today is all these people who walk around with their mobile phones and never stop moaning. I've got nothing to complain about." Jan credits his wife Gertruda with saving his life. While doctors gave him only two or three years to live, Gertruda stayed by his side and reportedly moved her husband every hour to prevent bed sores.

 

Wanna Get Drunk? Just Add Water!

The new rage with the kids in the Netherlands is a concoction called Booz2Go. It's a powdered version of alcohol that was created by some Dutch students, and when mixed with water becomes a bubbly, lime-colored and flavored drink with 3 percent alcohol content -- about the same as beer. The big problem is, as the current law stands, it can be legally sold to minors! Student Van Elderen and four classmates at Helicon Vocational Institute came up with the idea as part of their senior-year project. They said, "Because the alcohol is not in liquid form, we can sell it to people under 16." And yes -- what you're thinking is right -- the legal age for drinking alcohol and smoking in the Netherlands is 16! Which is probably why you never meet any really old Dutch people.

 

Let's Hang Up a Dead Horse! Who Would Mind?

An art gallery in Geneva, Switzerland has infuriated animal lovers-- by hanging a dead horse from the ceiling! No kidding. A real horses' preserved body has been suspended from two slings around its neck and hind quarters in the window of the modern art showroom. But it's facing an angry backlash from locals, who pay for the city-council owned gallery. One witness said, "It's horrendous, disgusting. Why did they put it there? It's shocking." "If that's what my taxes are being spent on I'll stop paying them. It's grotesque and cruel," said another. But the artists responsible for the sculpture - called 'Warhorse' - have refused to apologize. Maya Bosch and partner Regis Golay said: "We're glad people are reacting to our work. It wakes them up. We'd started to think that nothing could be shocking anymore."

Spain Raises Minimum Age -- For Sex!

Spain has raised the minimum age for marriage to 16 from what had been one of the lowest in the world at 14 as part of a wider reform to improve health and safety for children and adolescents. The reform, announced by Spanish Health Minister Ana Mato, also raises the age for consensual sex from what was the lowest in Europe at 13! The new age for consensual sex will later be decided by Parliament.